Chapter 8

Suddenly everybody was nice to me.

Mrs Aitken said they'd sort it don't worry and all the class were quiet though I heard the buzz when the door closed and outside the office her voice was mixed with Mr Harding's and they were both low and serious, the secretary looked at me, like she was trying not to ask what was happening and she said, Would you like a coffee, but I said, No, and then I said thank you, it was an afterthought, so Mrs Aitken said the phone calls were made and he wasn't dying at all, but they wanted the mobile. It was in my bag and I had to hide the Things when I rummaged through. It was a taxi. The taxi driver was an Asian man and he was serious like someone had told him, everyone was serious today,  Miss Wickertown who we called something else, it rhymed, well, who cares, she came with me and she said, If you need anything ask, and I said, Will they put me in care, Don't think about that now, she said, no-one will force you to do anything, and it was raining, I was hot in bed and my legs kicked and twisted, the rain was like a person asking to come in, then it was warm and wet in the bed, and rather nice, but his looked with a serious face when he put my hand on my head, and he said, You're getting better, my girl, so I slept, and I thought, My girl, I am My girl, then it was dark but with shapes in the room, the shapes were animals waiting, so I called out. A light was on, I wanted my mum, I said, he said, your mum's resting which was a funny word to use, resting, and he said, Come on then, girl, and he got my dressing gown, he helped it over my pajamas, the animals were only the drawer and the chair with Edward Bear on it, he picked me up with my dressing gown on and he said, Lord, you're getting heavy for this, my girl, he said, and I said, I want Edward Bear, so he carried me and my bear down the stairs for hot chocolate and he said You're getting heavier each day, heavier each hour, heavier each step, soon you'll be so big, and we went into the room where the people were. They stood looking at me, Here she is, they said, it was like a cheer, there was Mary who was Michael's wife, and she said, Shall I take her, but I wrapped my arms round his neck, She's still sweating a bit, he said, but she's not shivering, so I clung and I came downstairs in my father's arms. Knickersdown paid the taxi man and stopped for a receipt, it was raining a bit, I thought, I'm actually hungry. In the hospital people were going somewhere or doing things. He was on a drip, but he was awake and looked fine, there was mush on a tray, hospital food, he tried to smile and asked how I was.

What's happening.

I had an accident. I believe you had a text from your mother.

Was she there.

Then he laughed. It was a sarcastic laugh. Yes, she was there.

There was that party. They were dancing and drunk, and then it was gross they rubbed up, and the people cheered, then she put her hands on his trousers where his willy was. I went into the kitchen. They were on the floor, he was on top, and he was a pig, and I thought, Don't be so gross, he's a pig, but then he was an elephant, a baby one, but he was running around the room, knocking things, people were gripping their glasses and rescuing bottles and lamps, mum was shrieking, so I ran in to tell him to stop being elephant now, stupid ape, but he got bigger and mum was holding the table she was laughing so much, he was filling with air, getting bigger and bigger, too big for the room, so I grabbed him, but he ran through the wall, there was dust and a noise, I held on to the tusks, he whipped me onto his back with the trunk, bigger and bigger, and then he gave a jump and a great elephant fart and he went into the air so I nearly fell, but I grabbed onto his tail, up he went and I sailed into heaven on an elephant's fart. Adults and such babies, my god.

I'm so sorry, Jessica, he said. Whatever happens you'll come first.

Then the nurse came and asked if we were ready. He was, but I would not leave.

I can handle it, dad.

They said the anger would come later, but the anger has not come, not for him. Silly daddy. Mum can get fucked.

So the police came in. When they had gone I asked how it all started and he said he would trust me for once, and he said, There was Helen etc, it was so teenage, really, but he insisted he would be better to me, and nothing would happen if I refused. No, mum wouldn't go to prison, but she wouldn't get custody, unless I wanted that, and I said no, and he said, You're my girl, and I thought, Yes, I am, I bloody, am, oh well.

Philoctates?