The Diary of a lonely, lonely, lonely.........?

There is only so much that I can take. I’m normally quite patient, but it’s that time of year, AGAIN- it’s the same old, same old.

No television, no books, not even a radio. The friend that was here, last year, has moved out. I liked her, she was cute and from Japan. She understood the quiet loneliness. But now she’s gone. But hopefully she’s OK  being looked after somewhere else, hopefully by someone who also cares. I’m sure she won’t be back, but I wonder if anybody will come and replace her. I hope so, but only time will tell.

I hear the rain, and I think, yes it’s plausible, we’ll just get wet. I hear the light pitter-patter of the snow and it’s then I realise, it’s not going to happen now, and I’m in for a long wait. A long, long, wait. Not seeing anybody, except for the occasional visit, but the things I expect or want to happen, don’t. It’s not as if I don’t know anybody, but it’s going to be a long time now.  I should have learnt from previous experience.

One day, I thought ‘hang on, I recognize that very distinctive sound’, another friend maybe, out and about, enjoying themselves, not sure exactly who it was though, as it’s so difficult without seeing them. I’ll keep on listening, it’s about all I can do.

I hear the birds, they are up very early, even for this time of year. I bet they struggle with these adverse conditions. I hear lots of engines, mainly in the morning and lots of scraping noises, and the sounds of snow or ice making crackling and crunching noises, sometimes just after the birds, some a lot later. They are struggling with these freezing conditions, but its ok for them. Later, I hear the sounds of their tyres going through the slush.  

Now I hear voices, children playing, it has got to be fun for them, I think, and it’s ok for them also, this horrible, slippery, white stuff. I hear shouting, laughing, but then crying. Something’s wrong. But, as quickly as the voices started, it’s all gone quiet again, except for the snow landing. Once again, that reminds me of how much I hate this time. Must stay positive & patient. Optimistic. My time will come. Good things come to those who wait. How many clichés have I used and who did say that? That’ll help pass some time.   

I can’t always decide exactly how long it’s been, waiting, waiting, waiting, can’t do a lot else. I’m sure it’s like this for others. I hope it’s like this for others. I do miss going out, oh happy days, good times, they’ll be back soon and I won’t be staying in the same place, waiting for so long.

I think the sun is shining, I can see a little bright dot of light on the floor. The hole in the roof is letting the light in. Oh the irony of it all.  Not every year is the same, but, eventually, when the sun or the moon shines, and there’s no threat of bad weather, we’re all out together, having fun, going to new places, or seeing friends, old and new, at the usual haunts. These current times, which are the ‘not as good times’, seem to be forgotten, maybe on purpose, as if these lonely times are never going to happen again, or is that just my imagination?

Back to reality, sorry, got a bit lost there. I’m sure that’s normal? It must be raining now, as I can hear the dripping, from the roof. It’s a quick drip now, but sometimes, it’s difficult to hear above the racket that the rain is making on the ground, but I still await, eagerly. I can only be positive, in these lonely times, they do have their moments.

The intermittent drip, that sometimes sounds familiar, (when I can hear it).

Sometimes, it’s the only thing I can hear, it can sound like an engine, a tune maybe, a familiar, but sometimes indescribable sound. It passes the time for me, trying to match the varying times of the drip, drip, drip, to a sound that you know that you've heard before.

A while ago, I remember seeing the four legged animals, not just pets, but other animals also getting more attention. They get fed, have the company of others of the same type and have what looks like good times, going out, running, even with snow on the ground. They get treated nicely, at all times of the year. I know that I’m different to an animal, but we are so similar in various ways. How lucky are they?

And what do I get? Nothing like that. I do miss going out, not staying in one place for so long.

Lonely, lonely, lonely. Because of the snow. 

Chris. Work in progress. (Updated, ie: paragraphs & the same font) BIG THANK YOU to David, for his help.